what's that email about a reason, a season, and a lifetime...

How can a person CLAIM to want to be a better (fill-in-the-blank), but not be willing to change a single trait about his/her self? If this person has a problem, say... with EGO and says aloud repeatedly that he/she would like to not allow it to get in the way of relationships any longer, shouldn't that person focus on not allowing his/her pride to continuously draw a wedge in some of his/her most important relationships? I can not for the life of me understand how a person can think it is better to push those around him/her away than to actually focus on problem areas and WORK on them. I know work isn't fun and all, but it is pretty necessary to achieve most of the happiness this world has to offer.

I just hate having to come to terms with the fact that this person is not supposed to be in my life any longer. I need to be surrounded by goal-oriented, self-motivated people. I have too many aspirations to ALLOW road blocks into my daily life. I slowed myself down long enough, and now there's no more time for breaks.

sad birthday

So today is my Grandpa's birthday. Well, I guess it would have been. I don't know how it works once they're gone. But I do know I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I haven't even fully allowed myself to accept and deal with the reality of his passing. It's so hard to think that just one year ago he was still at home and he was able to interact with everyone almost 100% while we celebrated his birthday with a proper English tea party. It just doesn't seem real that he's gone. It doesn't seem possible that his life changed so much in just six months. And that he was gone two months after that. I would give anything to hug him again. I would give anything to be able to tell him I love him and Happy Birthday. I just hope this will get easier with time.