Tomorrow being Thanksgiving is really messing with my head. I feel crazy this week. So I'm going to blame PMS and roll with it. I am so overwhelmed by how quickly this year has passed. I feel like I'm devoting all my time to work and school and missing out on LIFE. But I try to focus on the fun things I have done this year. It's not like I became a hermit and haven't done any living, I just can't seem to shift the focus from never-ending responsibilities. It's like that's all there is now. Balance the checkbook... Pay the bills... Save money to buy a house... Go to work... Go to school... Clean the house... Beat myself up for not exercising. I have achieved so much over the past year and half, but I can't stop telling myself that I'm not good enough. And the craziest thing about it is that EVERY person I have a relationship with is full of praise for me and my accomplishments. I do not have a single person telling me that I should be doing more, or doing better, or that I am less than amazing. How do I ignore it if it's in my own head? How do I lighten my load of stress when I am the one making it heavier and heavier? I didn't even realize THIS is what would come pouring out. Back to Thanksgiving...
I have so much to be thankful for. And I have every intention of focusing on that tomorrow. But tonight, all day today really, I have felt so weighed down. Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving in my life that I will not see any of my family. It will be only the second time that my whole family won't be getting together. I thought for sure that with this being the first holiday season without my grandfather, my family would make it a priority to give my grandmother a family home to go to and celebrate. But what do I know? I guess at some point as adults, we have to accept change and not pout about it. But don't expect me to not be sad about it on the inside.
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